A talk By Belsebuub in Canada, 2004
We have to be realistic when it comes to inner change. If anyone were to think that with a frame of mind, by realizing something, or by the brief application of a certain little practice they can be transformed just like that, they are in self-deceit.
The psyche can change if you really do this work. Then you transform your psychology, you transform its very make-up, and then, life is different; feeling, thought and perception is transformed.
However, there’s still the struggle of daily life, and if you’re starting off, or even walking along the path, you’ve got very many difficulties to overcome, and it’s overcoming those difficulties that’s really much of the work. There are tests and initiations and they can be absolutely horrible to go through, horrible! Bliss has to be earned, there’s light and darkness and we have to face the darkness, and to face the darkness, we must go through pain and suffering.
If you are going through this struggle you will you notice how all kinds of ego states appear, for example, if as you get up in the morning negativity comes in, then you die to that, you get rid of it. You observe the very first trigger that starts it, as it happens; you learn the intricate ways of this particular ego, and get knowledge of it, once you uncover it, it has less power over you. Observe how it starts, how it’s triggered off, and how it works within you. To see it and to uncover it, you’ll have to have it manifesting within you and go through the circumstances of life surrounding it.
There’s no magic pill that will give a state of peace and bliss. And if you simply want to run away and live like a solitary hermit you will be wasting your life. You’re just running away from the learning that you could be going through.
You’re going to face lots of difficulties in life, and if you go through the path, then you face ones that are part of the plan or sequence of events that are of the path. If you start the path, then you voluntarily join in this sequence of events, which can be really terrible to go through! But at the end of each one, if you pass its tests, there’s not worldly praise, but an inner reward. Along the way, more and more people start to hate you, for no apparent reason. You shouldn’t look to be elevated as a person, you’ll be going through a lot of difficulties and people will look at you very negatively, even though you haven’t done anything wrong.
In the usual course of events in day-to-day life, that are not of the path, whether things go wrong or not, you can still feel negative or get angry. It can be your fault in certain circumstances and yet you can still react toward someone.
If you observe, you’ll begin to see the different ego states within, and as you see them, you uncover them. They lose their power, you die to them inwardly, and gradually get free of them.
Life is a struggle, but in this case, a struggle with inner rewards, ones that you can’t see physically, but which nevertheless take place in the higher dimensions, and within your psychology—but it really requires a struggle. If there’s no struggle, there’s nothing to overcome and there’s no reward.
There are symbols such as swords in the internal worlds, which are for killing things. There are well known pictures of Michael slaying Lucifer. It’s not a pleasant act, Michael has a sword, which is for killing. It’s not a blessing to the ego and then living a life together with it peacefully and happily ever after. This is a real war, a real struggle.
But it is in this struggle that you learn, and you go through difficulties voluntarily by being prepared to face anything that the path throws at you while you help humanity—you could give up, but you continue with faith, so that you learn and hopefully pass internal tests.
To go through voluntary suffering to some may seem like madness. Yet you need to have a certain understanding to be able to suffer voluntarily, and you suffer because you know that by putting yourself through whatever comes upon you on the way, you’re going to get something spiritual out of it.
Q: With the inner death sometimes there’s a pressure in my head. Where does that come from besides just egos or by forcing it?
Belsebuub: That generally comes by forcing awareness. If you’re trying to remove an inner state and are trying to force your mind to be aware, you can get a headache. The way to do it is to ask for the disintegration of the defect while at the same time observing, so that you are clearing inside, so that the outside—really being the result of the inside—is clear, and be aware of whatever it is you’re doing.
If you try to be aware by looking at something, and try to force that awareness without having self-observation, you will be hidden to what’s happening inside yourself and after a while you can get a headache. To avoid it, be aware of whatever action you do, make sure you’re looking inside at your inner states while you are being aware, seeing any inner state that’s going on, and die to any feeling or sensation of any kind—keep doing that so that everything gets clear. Then whenever you see anything that spoils that clarity, apply the inner death to it straight away, knowing that you’re trying to be here in a clear and objective way. The ability to do this comes as a result of practice; if you practice it you will learn how it works.
Learning sometimes goes in different ways to what’s expected. Many times you may look for understanding, only to seemingly find difficulties and pain.
Difficult times are an indispensable part of the learning process, and expect that for every step you take to go forward, you’ll have a lot to face and overcome.
Sincerity, divine guidance, and a revolutionary spirit are all qualities that help along the way. If you’ve found these qualities, remember that when things become difficult in the future, as they always will, if you found the light once, you can find it again, and remember that you are not alone in this.
Sometimes there are lots of challenges to face and things can seem too difficult. At that point many people give up, but often that’s the time when endurance is needed, and those who can stay the course succeed.
There are many things which affect how the esoteric work takes place within; you need to have those things in place for it to happen. In some ways it’s like baking a cake: if you don’t get the right ingredients and bake it properly, it won’t be what you want it to be.
If you don’t know what the ingredients are just yet, then you need to find and acquire them.
If there are circumstances in your life which prevent you from “baking” the ingredients, I recommend that you look into them, discover what they are, and change things so that you have the whole process in place. One of the main ingredients in the baking process is spiritual strength.
Nature drags things that aspire to spirituality back to itself, so you have to rebel against its pull to be able to break free and be with the spiritual rather than the material, as well as sacrificing what is lower for what is higher. Included in the “material” is nature’s response to it within—lower emotions and feelings.
Sometimes in life, tragic things happen. People get sick, die and lose things that are valuable. This really is an inevitable part of life. We’re born here to do this inner work, although, to those who know nothing about it, it may seem for them there isn’t a purpose to living that they know about, or they may believe that its purpose is to reproduce so that the next generation carries on the same thing, with the illusion that individual progress is taking place, or a continuous evolution is taking place. But for the individual in this cycle of life, death is a certainty—it’s something that is unavoidable, which can’t be escaped.
It’s therefore important to be able to see further than the physical world, because if you can see no further than the physical world, then tragic things like death are simply overwhelming, it can be traumatic to see that someone who you knew for so long simply doesn’t exist in this world anymore.
This work is not a hobby; it’s very serious. It involves seeing and understanding things that can’t be seen or understood in the normal run of life, and that takes a lot of effort—understanding costs a lot. It doesn’t come cheap; everything requires a payment.
Now, if you really want to understand and find out about life, then you have to have the correct techniques to be able to explore it and investigate it, because it passes very quickly. Before you know it, it can be over, and no one can say for certain whether they are going to live until the next day. Each day could be the last.
If you can manage to see beyond the three-dimensional world and to explore what is beyond it in a very serious way, then you can have a greater understanding of it, which will help you to cope with something as terrible as death. It’s only by knowing what is there that you can have a chance. Otherwise, it’s just simply too tragic.
I don’t want to think about birthdays, they are frightening when you have too many.
When the question of age is a concern, you must set your goals into eternity, you must look ahead. You make a grave mistake if you set your goals on something temporary, and all this life is temporary, although it sometimes doesn’t seem that way. Life is temporary and it’s ultimately designed for the awakening. You are mistaken if you think that by just living an ordinary life or just practicing exercises of concentration or meditation, or being aware, you can achieve the awakening in life.
To achieve the awakening in life, you need the inner death of the psychological defects, sexual alchemy, sacrifice for humanity, and then to walk along the path to reach enlightenment. But you need to overcome difficulties and overcome the resistance to even begin to do it.
